At least this is what I imagine in my mind. I know they were always excited about Christmas but they always seemed too depressed to express much. Maybe their Christmas wasn't what they'd seen on TV, maybe it was because mom always worked on Christmas day, maybe it was because dad had virtually disappeared by the time they were 6 and 7. "Maybe," I guess that's all I have when I look at the past. Maybe it's all any of us have of the past.
So, it is with some trepidation that I've learned how to enjoy my Christmas season. With a nod to the past, I've decided to reshape how I handle my present and future Christmas seasons. I've learned to shop early and limit my spending. This frees up space in my mind and heart for more joy. I focus on smaller things like my secret Christmas joy of watching sappy Lifetime Christmas movies and spending time just hanging out with my family.
Even with all the death in my family and all the "maybes" from the past, I still like the holidays. I love Christmas lights, I love smelling paperwhites in bloom, I love baking Christmas cookies. I also love Christmas carols, I love a simple hearty meal eaten by candle light, and I love than I can create a feeling of joy for my child. My hope is that these feelings will pass down to my son and that when he looks back on his Christmas seasons, it will be with fondness and warmth. Hopefully, he won't have too many "maybes" floating around in his past.
No comments:
Post a Comment