Oh Bacon, How I Love Thee!

I found this title that I wrote years ago in my unpublished list. So, I opened it thinking that I may have written about the awesomeness of bacon. Or maybe I wrote some bacon recipes. Or, perhaps the best bacon restaurants. What is a bacon restaurant anyway? I do not know, but I would most definitely, positively, absolutely have to investigate.

Speaking of restaurants, I appreciate it when a restaurant gives you a real side of bacon. Not just 2 puny strips, but more like the 5 or 6 pieces that you know you will devour.

Back to the title...eagerly, I opened the link. I opened it to...nothing. There was a blank page staring back at me. Then I started giggling because, knowing myself as I do, I kept it because it's so very true. Bacon is my one true love. Yes, I would totally marry bacon if I could.

Learning New Things

Isn't life fun! I'm always learning new things. This week, I learned about washing vomit-stained sheets, clothes, and a mattress. It's been so long since my son barfed that I forgot about how to deal with it. My son hasn't barfed on himself in years, maybe 10. It's been so long, that both of his mattress protectors have holes in them. Yes, I have 2 just in case. The holes are right where the vomit landed.

His cold is better but he still has a dry cough. The combination of a cough and his strong gag reflex is what did it. He was sleeping until he coughed so hard, I think some chunks must have come up. Then, the hurling began. My husband ran in tried to get him to the bathroom. I was blissfully asleep and woke to sounds of  retching and sobbing. Because, let's face it, it's really scary when our bodies betray us. A middle of the night hurling session is a huge betrayal, huge!

Most of it landed on his sheets and blankets with a nice splash down his arm and front. After peeling off the regurgitated mess, we put him in the shower with an apple Izze. I lit a candle, put a bowl of white vinegar near the incident, opened the window, and burned incense. That knocked the puke molecules out of the air.

My husband had the joy of rinsing off the chunks in the laundry sink. Then we washed the mass on super-wash with extra vinegar. That used to work when he was smaller. But, now, with more grown-up-like puke, it didn't work. They came out smelling of clean barf. So, we washed them again. And, same thing happened. In case you don't know, clean vomit smell is the smell of detergent with a slight whiff of the stank.

Being half asleep, I tossed the twice washed on super-wash with vinegar and more vinegar into the dryer on super hot. That used to work, did I mention that? But, it didn't work this time. And, to top it off, the dryer now smells like last night's dinner with a side of bile.

The internet told me that I have to use something with enzymes in it. I've been spraying his mattress with enzymes all day and I think it's working because the stink is very faint.

So, here I go again on super wash with enzymes. Wish me luck.

And, you can add enzymes to your arsenal. You know, in case you ever have to clean barf in the middle of the night.

State of the World

Wow! The state of this world is troubling to me. How do I explain to my son, who is just turning into a teenager, about how messed up the world is right now. On November 9, last year, I was so upset that I could hardly sleep. My son was also worried about the change in the administration. And, to this day, I can only take in the news in small chunks because, honestly, it makes me weep. The 18 year old girl in the UK that committed suicide because of cyber-bullying that began in Missouri when she was 13, that one made me cry my eyes out. The mass grave in Mosul at the hands of the IS, tragic and heart-breaking. Our current administration and ALL of his appointees, unfortunate for the world. I'm probably on a list somewhere because I've already sent some emails to the white house describing how much I dislike their actions. Honestly, it feels like there's a toddler in the white house.

We do keep politics to a minimum on our house. My son knows that we disagree with the current state of the gov. We also tell him (and ourselves) that the current administration won't last forever. We chat about issues here and there. We talk about each side and try for perspective because he will need that as he enters into the world. But, boy I sure hope the dems can get their crap together. They need to start campaigning right now.

Dreams of Lives Lost

Or lives discovered. As I look back on my life, I had some vague notions that I'd travel, maybe save the world, create art, write fiction, teach marine biology. I thought I might make my mark on the world; instead of adventuring, I ended up living in San Francisco. I worked for temp agencies in order to make the rent. I worked for non profit agencies in between the temp agencies. It was like a yo-yo between the business world and the do-good world. While I can appreciate how much benefit that non-profits do for our society, I can also attest to the low wages and long hours and heart ache. However, I kept dreaming, believing that something better would happen, that I could make something better happen.

Lemons in Winter

Winter in Seattle is so damp, cold, and dark. The back of my jeans are always get wet from tromping in the rain. You'd think people would wear brighter colors but somehow in Seattle, dark and dreary clothes go with the weather. The wintery weather up here feels so oppressive to me. It weighs heavy on my heart. Part of me wants to stay curled up in bed with my cozy down comforter pulled up over my head. I love to sleep on my side with my feathery light blanket resting lightly against my cheek. I'd love to stay there cocooned all winter (and part of spring) but there are things that I have to do that limit my love of lounging.

I'm always looking for ways to bring more light and joy into the darkness of winter. I have a happy light that I use when I read. It's so bright and annoying though that I find it difficult to get happy when I use it, mostly it pesters me and I end up turning it off. Some happy light. Usually, I can cook up something warm and delicious but I haven't felt like cooking much lately. One year, we had a bacon party and that was delicious fun. I began taking Vitamin D and fish oil, that seems to have helped. Lately, I've been thinking about lemons and tangerines. I love both. In California, the lemons and tangerines are the best during the fall and winter months.

Growing up in San Jose, CA, we had a tangerine tree in our backyard. In winter, I'd go sit in the tree and eat bushels of tangerines. I'd be up there (with the ants) eating as many tangerines as I could. I'd climb and search the tree for perfectly ripe tangerines. I could tell a tangerine's perfect ripeness by the smell and the feel of the fruit. And, when I found the perfect one, I'd snap it up. I remember resting on my favorite limb with tangerines in both hands and more in my pockets. I'd stare up at the blue sky, rest my head, and peel my fruit. Sun warmed my skin and dappled on my body through the branches and I dropped the peels into a heap on the ground. It was a happy moment.

Lemons and tangerines look amazing on a tree. Their bright color contrasts with the deep glossy green leaves. Lemons were everywhere when I was a kid. Being from California, I just expected every place to have such luscious and tantalizing fruit hanging everywhere. Surprise! Yes, I was disappointed when I found out that lemons and tangerines wouldn't grow in cold climates. But, hey, we all have to grow up sometime, right?

When it's cold out, when the sun barely makes its way over the horizon and the wind slaps me sideways, I think of tangerines and lemons. Their bright color and intense citrusy smell brings me back to my childhood tangerine tree. I think of moments spent sitting in my tree, smelling the rich soil mixed with the tang of the peel, and how completely happy I was in that moment. These thoughts help me make it to Spring.

Yes, this winter weather depresses me, and I am constantly planning my move to San Diego, Mexico, the equator, or the south of France but the thought of lemons and tangerines helps me face the endless chill of Seattle winters. Oh yeah, and when I move south, I am tossing ALL my gloves, hats, and down jackets because I plan to stay where it is warm. If I ever do visit Seattle again, it'll be in the summer or early fall.

Childhood

I hardly think of mine. It was a blur. I had to be more mature than I ever could be, I had to endure endless terror from my brothers, I had to bake alone. My mom worked all the time which left us kids with too much unstructured time on our hands. We never had rules, no bedtime, no set dinner routines, didn't have to clean, or brush our teeth. We watched as much TV as we wanted. I saw everything and I mean everything on TV. My brothers stayed out as late as they wanted. I did whatever the hell I wanted and no one was there to guide me. I never gravitated toward drugs, though I did drink and smoke a bit as a teen. But I never liked having my mind in an altered state.

My childhood gave me a lot of freedom to daydream and wander in my mind. And I spent a good deal of time in my head. I drew a lot, studied the way things looked, gazed at trees, watched how people interacted, picked flowers, watched a ton of TV, baked cookies, and played with my dolls. I created fanciful stories about my dancing flamenco doll. I planned meals and cooked dinners from an early age. I also read a lot, more than I read now. Reading helped me frame the world and learn about how other people lived. Even though I felt my childhood was normal because that's all I knew, I read about different lifestyles and families. This made me yearn for something I couldn't quite name. I felt something wonderful was just within my grasp but I couldn't quite catch it. Now I see that I was yearning for connection, both physical and emotional. Connection to my parents, my brothers, my aunts and uncles, my community, and myself. 

I think of my son's childhood. He's in the thick of his right now. He's so happy. I love it that he is entirely happy and content. He has rules to follow and these give him a framework in which to grow and learn. Though, he doesn't have that many rules because it would be too stifling for him and I couldn't handle micromanaging too many rules. I'm more of a laid-back kind of mom.

He skips around and sings songs. Journey songs, the Star Wars theme song, made up songs. His favorite band is Journey. Although, I am trying my hardest to get him to love Snow Patrol. He doesn't like Snow Patrol, so maybe I'll try to get him to like Adele. I love her soaring vocals, the way she inflects musicality in her lyrical songs and touches your soul with her stylings. Her music makes me feel a connection. I feel her melodies throughout my body. Connection is the key. When I hear a good song, I naturally start to move and then I begin to feel good. I love it.

I love dancing so much because it makes me feel happy. I love slow hip hop rhythms because I can feel the beat penetrate into my heart. I love partner dancing because for a brief time, I share a physical and emotional connection and a love for dancing. Movement makes me feel alive and connected to myself. And, the more I feel this connection, the more I can be available to my son and myself.

I'm Sad

It feels like a weight resting on my chest. It permeates everything I do, my exercise class, my cooking, my dancing, my mind. I'm trying to pull myself out of this fog. And, now the rain has begun. It's dark and stormy outside. The weather reflects how I feel inside. I've recently hurt some people and it makes me feel terrible. I'm trying to fix it, but it's a slow and painful process. And, honestly, I feel like packing up my bags and running away. But, then I would still have to face myself in the mirror. And, right now, I'm not liking what I am seeing. So, it's best to stay put and work through this miasma.

Even though I am sad, I still see funny things. Like the lady in the Whole Foods parking lot who almost hit my car. She actually got mad at me! She threw her hands up in the air and I think she said, "Fuck!" But I couldn't hear her, so maybe she just said, "Puck!" She was probably going up to buy some organic vegan grass-fed whole grains complete without salt, GMO's, high fructose corn syrup, or processed white flour. But, really now, maybe all she needs is a stiff shot of some Cheetos and a Budweiser to set her straight! I just shrugged my shoulders and chalked it up to her having a bad day.

Anyway, I need to accept responsibility, forgive myself, and move on. But, I am still sad. I suppose a certain amount of sadness isn't too bad. At least it's pushing me into action. Who knows what the future will bring. Maybe I'll be dead by next year but at least I am taking action today to repair damage, understand and forgive myself and my actions, and move forward.